“You can have ambition but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful”. We live in a world where everything needs to be concealed, moderated and filtered. Lies and deceit — all threaten to pop out like one of Chris Evans’ pecs in a white T-shirt.
My mum was a teacher. When I was a kid, I remember sometimes I would go to her classes and sit there doing my own things. Sometimes nothing, just observing. There was a joy of seeing a bunch of bright kids trying their best to be the best —they aim for the moon and shoot for the stars; they want to get the highest grade in the class which then would be rewarded with a bar of sesame peanut candy of Hanoi. They do all that without hesitancy, fear, or judgment. They are themselves.
I lost count of how many times I screamed inside and wanted to be an adult, to have my own money to buy a LEGO set that my parents wouldn’t buy for me, to travel the world and explore the universe, to become someone who would fight for injustice — by the injustice I mean that last episode’s elimination of Drag Race UK vs the world. That was real chaos and devastation.
And loss.
Have we all lost something and ourselves though, even just a bit, in that journey of becoming older? That innocent joy, I guess. But again, are we not products of society? We have to eliminate feelings, suppress emotions to thrive, not just survive. We have to fake it until we make it. We have to hustle up our way. The idea of pretense. To become someone else, to live, to work, to fit in. Influencers who became famous thanks to a dating show become health specialists. Celebrities become business advisors thanks to successfully launching candles that smell like their vaginas. People who spend 15 mins on Google when they’re in the bathroom suddenly become virologists. Some suddenly have a fleeting interest in women’s rights and feminism, possibly in order to secure a date. Some become NFTs/Crypto/Metaverse advisors /specialists/enthusiasts overnight. Type that on the LinkedIn search bar and you’ll see for yourself. Nearly 10k so-called advisors for “Metaverse” only — You’re welcome! You can borrow Khloe Kardashian’s school of thought and say to me “Kim, there are people dying” and I’d argue the same thing.
But it’s the reality. It’s the political, social, and cultural dynamics where people are rewarded with anger and dishonesty, where lies and misinformation are monetised and incentivised, where negativity and click baits are fuelled by social media. It’s the smokes and mirrors. The glamour and flashiness. Everyone wants to be aspirational. Everyone wants to consume aspirational products and services. Simon Leviev. Anna Delvey. Elizabeth Holmes. They were this close. They were “heroes” before they are villains. It’s because people want to believe.
And it’s because it’s becoming the norm.
No matter how many times it proves disastrous for the society’s culture or morale, it refuses to die. Valid social movements become marketing initiatives. Important civil rights movements become a competition of content creation and who writes better slogans. Activism goes haywire. Gal Gadot sings Imagine.
We need to maintain this image that’s so perfectly curated and filtered that sometimes we need to let go. We’re trying to be someone and we’re no one. We’re trying to make our mark and not to leave a stain. Some make their voice raspy and deep to make it in a man’s world. Some have to change their hairstyle to be more “appropriate”. Some pretend. Us? We power through. Left with hundreds and thousands of questions of how we can hustle to make the most of 24 hours in a day. Everyone wants to be Molly-Mae, but there are problems with being Molly-Mae. We’re just doing drag, though we don’t have a fancy name. If you’re still reading, let me let you know that Jimbo was eliminated, but she’s already a winner, and so are you.
My mum would never ask me what I’d want to do as she always had a very clear path for me, or her. She wanted me to be a doctor who would make the family proud. But she did ask me once who I’d want to become — not sure I’ve ever answered that question. Aren’t we all just on a quest of figuring out?
The piece was originally published on Manifest Slant. Slant is a Manifest publication. Stay in the loop with everything from here by subscribing to the newsletter.
